The Plague hits the castle

The morning after the Princess’s little soiree, Queen Lakeview looks at her and says, “Your eye is really red. I think you have pinkeye!” The Queen is known for being a bit on the dramatic side, so the princess just chalked it up to the visit to a smoky pub on the way home from the restaurant (the little berg in which we were staying did not have a smoking ban). Luckily, the princess had brought along Prince Shut Up’s prescription antibiotic eye drops from his last round of pink eye (two weeks ago) and used those. By Monday she felt so bad she took the prince to his caretaking establishment and went to urgent care. She received not only antibiotics, but also prednisone (three days, 30 mg) to kill the two week old cough that two boxes of Mucinex hadn’t eradicated (but did help her sleep). The pink eye was "just" a manifestation of her cold/secondary infection.

While I will never promote the use of drugs for anything other than it’s intended use (to do so would be illegal), let me give other dethroned princesses out there a little tip: you can clean an entire house in one day while on steroids and without a little one underfoot. When I say, "clean" I mean closets, drawers, under beds, cabinets, etc. etc. It was the most work I have ever accomplished while taking a sick day in my entire life. :-)

The princess gets a tiara

OK so maybe I didn’t get my crown totally back, but for one day, I did get to wear a beautiful plastic silver tiara covered with gaudy plastic “jewels” designed for a 6 year old’s head. Princess Belle had a “milestone” birthday and and was given a lavish soiree for the event. The King and Queen even watched Prince Shut Up for THREE WHOLE HOURS so Prince Charming and I, accompanied by our court (ten friends), could have some adult conversation that was not interrupted with, “Crayons do not belong in our ears” or “Spoons are not used to fling food on the wall.” As we returned from our early evening out, we spent time with the little one, then put him to bed and continued with festivities. These, of course, were much tamer than earlier milestone birthdays before children were in the picture but still much fun was had. The princess really, really needed this!

The leaning tower of pizza (boxes).

I’ve always been somewhat of an environmentalist, even before it was “cool.” I remember Woodsy the Owl telling me “Give a hoot – don’t pollute” in between my cartoons on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, the lovely berg I live in does not have curbside recycling so I have several blue bins in the garage, and every other weekend or so I take everything down to the local center to empty my #1 and #2 plastic, cardboard, newspapers/magazines, glass (sorted by colors), aluminum and “tin” or bi-metal cans.

Well, when it’s warm that is what I do. When it’s 20 degrees, the princess doesn’t like getting her hands cold so she lets it stack up and hopes the Prince takes care of it for her (which he often does, when it falls over into the main walkway of the garage).

Imagine my surprise when Prince Charming announced, after making one of these runs, that he was building a rack to hold my bins (and had picked up a few more at the recycling center). I’m thinking… hmm… there are HOW MANY projects started? Are you serious? One more? BUT I chose to be right not happy (as you cannot be both, I often tell my Prince) and I smiled and said, “Wonderful!”

The plans were drawn up that night, and the rack was built AND COMPLETED the next day! Prince Charming and the eldest offspring (I shall call him Prince Mack) put together a very study rack which hold 4 bins (two on top, two on bottom) with the option of adding another shelf if the Princess deems it necessary.

I am shocked but pleasantly surprised.

Cleaning the castle - the privy

As I am sure you have guessed, I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting from my life of leisure to one with many more mundane tasks. While being a mom is great, being an ex-princess leaves me often looking at some situation thinking, "Shouldn't I have people to deal with this???"

Our main bathroom is located directly across from Prince Shut Up's room. I hate to clean it after he is asleep, but it's impossible to do this while he is awake. Needless to say, it was getting neglected and I have been stressing over germs. A few months ago, after putting the little prince in the tub, I noted the sink mirror was covered with tooth brush splatters. I grabbed a Clorox Wipe and cleaned it. Please note that the little prince is just over two, so I am now to the point that I can let him play in the tub without one hand on him BUT I would never leave the bathroom or take my eyes off of him for more than a few seconds. It's amazing how quickly he can grab a shampoo bottle, open it, and start dumping it. I was so thrilled to have a clean mirror! The next night, I cleaned the sink/vanity. WOW. Looking great. The next night, I cleaned the floor (very small bathroom) with two wipes. Hmm. I'm onto something.

I can now clean the entire bathroom, in less than 15 minutes, with six Clorox wipes. OK not the tub, since he's in it, but you get my point. That's why I have the automatic tub/shower cleaner that you hang up in your tub. I will admit this is not efficient! It is also not "green"! The point is, I have a clean bathroom, which means less stress. Keeping my sanity is my main goal. Being "green" is just a bit lower on the list (but very important).

I need to see if some company makes a "green" wipe. I know, I know... I could just use a rag or paper towel and my bottle of green cleaning stuff, but I need something pre-made that I can keep in the bathroom. If I had to think about it or plan it, heaven forbid, it would NEVER get done.

NOTE: before I start getting hate mail, I am not "too good" to clean toilets. I worked as a janitor in a department store one summer when I was in college (had two jobs that year). My point is now that I work full time and have kids, I should have a live-in maid/nanny/butler/whatever. :-)

Prince Shut Up and the Round Table

OK, it's not a round table but a rectangular tray... on his high chair. He LOVES to color on it! No, I do not "let" him but occassionally he gets carried away and either goes off the paper or conveniently "forgets" the rule.

Cleaning it off was such a pain, but I found two really, really quick ways to remove it:

1. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I LOVE these things! I need to write a post on 101 things to do with these. They work on almost everything.

2. Plain old cleanser. About once a week or so, I just scrub the tray with cleanser. I was a little worried that the grit might scratch the surface, but so far, it hasn't and it looks great.

I should note his media of choice (well make that MY choice) is "normal" (64 ct Crayola) crayons. I don't know how well this would work with markers.

The life I had always dreamed of.... ???

OK so there is my story. It's a new year, I have 10 lbs of frozen, quartered tomatoes in the freezer from last year (like a princess knows what to do with these - seriously!), the seed catalogs have started to arrive, and Price Charming is excitedly reviewing these as he is planning this year's garden. Of course, it's "too cold" (???) to finish many (OK all) of the inside projects. I have decided that I simply have to live with things the way they are, and make the best of it. After all, I do love him dearly... I just HATE the current state of the house. Things could be so much worse in my life, I know... so hopefully this blog, with some self-deprecating humor, and maybe some tips on how I am dealing with all of this, will provide some laughter to those reading it. My plan is to blog about things like, "What to do with 10 lbs of frozen tomatoes" to help any other princesses out there. I'm sure there will be some postings regarding kid-friendly activities as well, and how to handle a very stubborn two year old that I shall call "Prince Shut Up." :-)

The Garden of Eden

After some discussion about a few raised beds, Belle comes home one day to see Prince Charming rototilling a 10 X 30 garden in the back yard. What happened to a few raised beds? That plan had changed, and of course, Belle was apparently not paying attention to those THOUGHT WAVES as they floated about the living room and kitchen in the last few weeks.

OK, so now we have a house that has only 1.5 bathrooms, with an old utility room that may someday become the master bath (turn the 0.5 into a full bath) after the wall is finished, floor ripped out, toilet and sink moved and replaced, etc. etc. We also have a non-finished mud room/laundry room that is only accessible by the garage with no finished walls, floors, or ceiling, heated by a space heater, trim needed throughout the entire house, a kitchen island which hasn't been built, and a million other small things, AND sick husband BUT now we have a huge (by my standards) garden.

I am supposed to be happy that the Prince is providing food for the family in case crisis occurs. I think it already did. I don't think food will fix it.

A Shadow falls over the land

Belle, Prince Charming, and the the princess and princes are now all living happily ever after in Prince Charming's tiny castle, which will be finished "some day" (Belle is guessing on 2020 when she hires contractors), and the unthinkable happens... Prince Charming falls ill. Luckily, it is a managble condition and not exactly life-threatening if monitored, but a shadow has fallen over the land and Belle is worried.

She realizes that her Prince cannot complete the tasks at hand, and she also knows he does not want anyone working on his castle, so she attempts to patiently wait. After all, it's not his fault he is sick.

A garden had been discussed, and Belle thinks a few raised beds in the yard might be a nice way to get the family outside in the fresh air. Prince finds a great deal on a rototiller...hmm, Belle realizes later, this probably should have been a red flag.

The Money Pit

So, Belle finally sells her condo and moves in to her husband's house. Note she still can't really bear to call it "hers." The childrens' bedrooms had been completed. Belle insisted that Prince Charming do that first, as it was important the kids have a place to call their own when they stayed with him (this occurred even before the engagement). Finally, some of the big projects were being completed: floors in the living room and hallway were a gorgeous solid oak, the kitchen and dining room had a beautiful stone floor, the maple cabinets were amazing... and someday soon she was sure the last 2 feet of the hallway would be completed, and the floor of the hall closet would be done, and there would be trim in the kitchen some day...

Prince Charming

She had met a really great guy, with a couple of little kids, and she thought, "Hmm... maybe this is what I have been looking for - a ready-made family!" Prince Charming, however, was a bit slow-witted about some topics, and cruised along in the relationship without wanting to ...shall we say... firm up any commitments. So, the princess said, "See ya!" and left.

A higher power (I call it God but insert your belief here) decided that this couple needed to be together, so the ex princess and Prince Charming not only made up but got married, and also decided to add one more to their family. It seems a clock, which never existed before, not only appeared but started ticking ever so quickly! Before they were married three months, a little prince was in the works.

Love does strange things to people, and for some CRAZY reason, the ex-princess (let's call her Belle) decided she would put her cute but too-small-for-a-family-of-now-five condo on the market and agreed to move into her now-husband's house. This house had been a labor of love for several years, as he bought it very cheaply as a fixer upper. When he bought it, he thought it was a great size for a single guy with 2 kids just on the weekends. While he was dating Belle when he purchased it, he NEVER thought she would ever marry the likes of him, so she never really entered into the equation.

While Mr. Charming is extemely handy, and even has a profession involving such things (but more on a more industrial scale), he is very... analytical and methodical (note the word "slow" never appears here!). In other words, the job will be done right but it will take 20 to 50 times longer than Belle (or any other person) would have ever anticipated.

Things are starting to take shape now, aren't they?

Once upon a time...

... there was this little princess. She was raised by King Crabcake and Queen Lakeview who resided in a beautiful part of the country where there was everything to do, but not much in the way of good jobs, especially in the field their geeky little scientist princess loved so much. So the little princess headed back to the heartland, where she had lived once before with the King and Queen, to fulfill her dreams.

With the exception of a bad starter marriage, the little princess was living a great life: she had a great job, had great friends, had a great condo, and did fun stuff like travel and have crazy restaurant tabs and shopped to her heart's content.

One day, she looked around and said, "Hmm... while this is fun, shouldn't life be about more than this?"

Dethroned princess

This blog is the maniacal ravings of an average mom, in an average part of the country, working an average white-collar job, living in a below average, fixer-upper house, to a NOT average husband (wonderful but stubborn!), who gave up her single "princess" lifestyle for "every little girl's dream," and is now saying....

WHAT WAS I THINKING???

OK, I only say that once a day when my head is about to explode because I refuse to take Prozac or Strattera and probably need both.